Rest

I haven’t left the room except to go to the toilet. I’m lying down in bed, my laptop propped on my stomach, neck angled down and reading comics.

I had half a pack of cookies earlier. I would love to cook but I don’t want to wash up, nor do I want to interact with anyone today. Hopefully everyone’s at work. Its warm in the bed. I’m gonna clean the room up a little. Wash my salad bowl, put the clean clothes away, put the wet clothes in the dryer. Tomorrow I’ll do a full laundry day. Not enough time for the dryers after the one wash.

I had a nightmare. I was cooking something good but it made me go through 3 frying pans and it kept building. When I was done, I was hungry but I went to wash up and while I was washing up, A (my housemate) walked in and yelled at me for not doing the dishes and making a mess. I felt like crap. I can’t remember the rest. Maybe I’m sulking.

I should go out today. But what if I come in, hungry and wanting to cook and people are talking and having a good time in the kitchen? I want to ignore them and stay in my room. Hopefully if I do go out it doesn’t happen. I might get yelled at otherwise. Or teased. Dad says I’m too sensitive.

I can imagine saying in company that I don’t like it that they comment about my terrible cleaning skills and A will say “but it’s true!” so matter-of-factly and then I’ll be silent and then I’ll be lectured about how I’m not good enough.

I’m going to take off, this is turning into self angst and whining. Bye.

I need a break.